This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize
