dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
