Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
