i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
