12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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