I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I want to have your abortion
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
