i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize