you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
