So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
it's not cheating when I paid for it
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Randomize
