so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
