dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
