rhymes with "ouble enetration"
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Randomize
