so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize