White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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