if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
