I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
