woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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