There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
