i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
