woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Randomize
