heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I'm like, not good at living.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
