Pappa wants mamma naked
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
