dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
