dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
