I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
