Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
This baby is an asshole
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
