The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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