This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
