i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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