you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
