he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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