i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
