is your mom at the bar?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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