I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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