You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
