i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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