And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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