She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
