we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
