That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
there was a trapeze. enough said
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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