well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
