I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
