sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
