Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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