She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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