I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
