just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I believe in your delicious
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
