the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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