the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
