i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
i think i just naturally attract stoners
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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