If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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