Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
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