I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
