Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
