when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
