he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
