Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
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