I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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