The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
