no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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