dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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