i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
