and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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