The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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