I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
