I'm lost and stupid without you.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
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