problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
