Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
