they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
