Your face is a jimmy john
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
