Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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